It’s strange how chronic illness and pain heighten my experience of the world around me. I feel the pain more deeply than usual, and the lows feel deeper than before. But I also feel joy much more intensely and am struck by wonderment, often at ordinary things and moments that I probably wouldn’t have noticed before.
We have roses growing outside in our front yard, and this year, I have been deeply invested in their growth, cheering on the little blossoms that burst forth into fragrant flowers. Later, when they wilt, are pruned back, and bloom again, I am astonished at how they always grow back, sometimes even brighter and more prominent than before.
When I ask my dog if he’d like to go for a walk, I rejoice in how his tail violently wags side to side and the pitter patter of his nails on the tile floor as he bounds back and forth, waiting for me to put my shoes on. As we go out the door, I take in the sunshine warming my skin, the feel of the steady concrete beneath my feet, and the joy radiating out of Wally and me as we are just so happy to be outside together. I giggle as his ears pull back as he notices a squirrel, and he gleefully pulls after it. And I am grateful for my strength that I can hold him back and not fear that I will tip over and lose my balance.
Every day, I collect these moments, and I hope that when life feels more steady, I will continue to notice the small things in the world around me while the big stuff hopefully starts falling into place again.
spoonfuloflindsay 
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